Well. It’s no secret that I’m always reading, yet for some reason, I’ve never done a proper book review here before. I’ve always meant to, but I’ve never gotten around to it.  But at the moment, I’m tired of assembling wedding invitations and I need to tell you all about this book that I finished about an hour ago that I just loved to bits.

It’s called The Book of Blood and Shadow, and it’s by Robin Wasserman. Here’s the blurb from Goodreads:

It was like a nightmare, but there was no waking up. When the night began, Nora had two best friends and an embarrassingly storybook one true love. When it ended, she had nothing but blood on her hands and an echoing scream that stopped only when the tranquilizers pierced her veins and left her in the merciful dark.

But the next morning, it was all still true: Chris was dead. His girlfriend Adriane, Nora’s best friend, was catatonic. And Max, Nora’s sweet, smart, soft-spoken Prince Charming, was gone. He was also—according to the police, according to her parents, according to everyone—a murderer.

Desperate to prove his innocence, Nora follows the trail of blood, no matter where it leads. It ultimately brings her to the ancient streets of Prague, where she is drawn into a dark web of secret societies and shadowy conspirators, all driven by a mad desire to possess something that might not even exist. For buried in a centuries-old manuscript is the secret to ultimate knowledge and communion with the divine; it is said that he who controls the Lumen Dei controls the world. Unbeknownst to her, Nora now holds the crucial key to unlocking its secrets. Her night of blood is just one piece in a puzzle that spans continents and centuries. Solving it may be the only way she can save her own life.

I couldn’t put this book down.

I mean … the first lines alone are just so gripping:

‘I should probably start with the blood.

If it bleeds it leads and all that, right? It’s all anyone ever wants to know about, anyway. What did it look like? What did it feel like? Why was it all over my hands?’

RIGHT? RIGHT? Don’t you just want to pick it up right now and see WHO’S BLOOD IT IS and WHY SHE NEEDS TO START THERE and WHAT IS GOING ON.

Right off the bat, MYSTERIOUS BLOOD aside, it appealed most strongly to the rare-books nerd inside of me. Of course I’ve heard of the  mysterious Voynich Manuscript, which has thwarted even the most talented codebreakers, and the idea that it is at the center of a centuries-long, worldwide conflict between two secret societies made for an interesting premise.  Robin Wasserman did an excellent job weaving together history and fiction to create a beautiful and often heart-pounding story that left me wanting more.  I could feel Nora’s initial enthusiasm that gave way to a grim determination as she handled the letters that lead her on a dangerous and deadly journey from her sleepy New England town to the twisting streets of Prague. I really, really liked Nora – even though she could be frustratingly stubborn at times, she did what she had to do. She’s also unapologetically smart, which I just love.

This book is simply fun. In my opinion, it has a similar feel to Dan Brown’s novels.It  also reminds me – and this may be a strange comparison – of some of Clive Cussler’s novels, if Dirk Pitt was a seventeen year old girl with a talent for getting into trouble. Not that Nora is anything like Dirk Pitt –  far from it. And it’s on a much smaller scale, of course. I think it’s the connection between past and present, the way that the motivations of long-dead actors have a definitive impact on current events, the way that things set in motions centuries past come to play out in a way that could have devastating effect.  Is it slightly far-fetched at times? Yes. Of course it is. But that doesn’t mean that it isn’t enjoyable.  I honestly couldn’t put it down.

And isn’t the paperback cover – the second image, with the moody blues and greens and purples –  just lovely? I like the other cover too, of course, but the paperback is just swoon-worthy.

But. Things have been HAPPENING.

As of TODAY almost everything is in place for the wedding. Invitations are 90% assembled and will go out before Saturday. I spent all day Friday addressing envelopes. Today we booked the rehearsal dinner. All that we have left to do is pinwheel-assembling (which is happening Saturday) and ceremony-writing. Only 60 days left to go!

I read the entirety of the Outlander series over the last month. All 7 books. And now I’m going through Jamie Fraser withdrawal. It’s very quickly become one of my favorite series OF ALL TIME.  I had been hesitant to read them because- well, I’m not even SURE why, actually.  It was a stupid, stupid mistake and I’m contemplating just turning around and reading them all over again. But I have an entire to-read pile that’s begging for attention.

Speaking of my to-be-read pile, I went to a book signing and panel discussion on Saturday with Tahereh Mafi, Anna Carey, and Veronica Rossi. I’ve only read Shatter Me so far, but after listening to all three ladies talk for an hour and getting to meet them, Eve and Under the Never Sky have both shot straight up to the top of the list.

I’ve *almost* finished a completely new theme for this blog. I’m still wrestling with bits of it, but I think I’ll have it up soon. I have BIG PLANS, PEOPLE.  I’ve been helping the lovely Serena with her move to her new blog (seriously, go check it out, she’s done a fabulous job!), which has inspired me to shake things up around here.

I’ve also written a bit – not as much as I’d like, or as much as I’d planned, but I managed to get about three scenes written over the past week. I’ll take it. I’ve also scribbled notes for a new project that’s been niggling at the corners of my brain, which is all I’m allowing myself to do until I finish this draft of Flightless. But it’s AWESOME, you guys. Or … I think it’s going to be. One day.

I also had 20 people over my house for Easter dinner, then spent all of last weekend out and about. This coming weekend I’m opening the doors on my wedding sweatshop and making my friends assemble pinwheels with me Saturday evening. My dress fitting is next week, and the two weekends after this coming one will be spent in Ohio and Pennsylvania for my bridal showers, and two weekends after THAT Eric graduates from grad school and three weekends after THAT is our wedding. Eeeep.

Sooooo yes. I can’t wait for June, when my life will return to some semblance of normalcy and sanity and I can actually think about something other than the wedding!

1. Go to page 7 or 77 in your current manuscript
2. Go to line 7
3. Copy down the next seven lines/sentences as they are – no cheating
4. Tag 7 other authors

So. Since most of my manuscript is a hot mess right now, I picked page #7.  (I’m rewriting scenes mostly out of order. I worked on the first few chapters, then I finished up the last three. There are bits here and there in the middle which are done, but, well, I’m not even sure that Page 77 exists right now. Ahem.)

Here are sentences 7-14 of Page 7. The action gets started right away – to give a little context, Ellie had just come downstairs to eat her birthday breakfast with her father and twin brother, Elliot, when they are paid a not-so friendly visit by three mysterious men.

EEEEK. You guys. I am SO NERVOUS. You have no idea.  I mean, I obviously thought it was good when I wrote it, and I’m really happy with chapter one, overall, but actually sending out a chunk of it, like this, exactly as it is? So PEOPLE CAN READ IT? It’s terrifying.

There’s a trickle of blood leaking down the side of Papa’s face and dropping off of his chin, staining the collar of his good shirt. I stare at him mutely for as long as I can, horrified. I think I’m going to be sick, right here in the kitchen.

“I had hoped things would go differently this morning, I must admit,” Brother Josiah says, leaning casually against the stove, almost as if he were getting ready to serve breakfast, instead of trying to kidnap me. “Now. Miss Cartwright? I’m going to need you to come with me, if you’d like for your father and brother to live to see this afternoon.”

“Ellie, don’t,” Elliot says.

The man closet to the door moves as if to strike my father again with the stock of his rifle, but I dart between them with a sharp cry.

- Flightless by Jenny Adams, 2012

And now, who to tag that hasn’t already played?

1. Angela
2. Angie
3. Roxanne
4. Ruth Ellen
5. Sarah
6. Isabelle
7. Amanda

I can’t wait to get a peak at what you guys are working on! And don’t forget to take a look at Serena’s 7 sentences - she totally leaves me wanting more!

So, without further ado, here are my 22 things:

1. Write every day.
2. Work on revisions.
3. Do one wedding-related task every day until the wedding.
4. Blog once per week.
5. Engage more on Twitter.
6. Exercise more.
7. Finish my application for the writing program.
8. Find one positive for every negative.
9. Interact more with the people who make me happiest.
10. Make new friends.
11. Ride my bike more often.
12. Keep the house tidy.
13. Take more chances.
14. Worry less.
15. Spend more time with Eric doing fun things.
16. Go to the public library more often.
17. Go to the farmer’s market more often.
18. Try to find (or build!) a writing group.
19. Spend more time speaking with my younger siblings.
20. Be better, budget-wise
21. Take a writing course
22. To spend more time DOING and LIVING and less time planning.

I think that this list is a GREAT IDEA and I’m glad I stumbled across it!

I’ve never really been a regular blogger, unless you count my days on livejournal in middle school (I don’t).  I also don’t feel like it’s necessary for bloggers to apologize for not sticking to a posting schedule.  I’m not going to apologize. I’ve just been struggling through some major writer’s block over the last few months, and I want – no, I need – to talk about it.

November ended on a high note. I had a very nearly completed manuscript that ignored for the first three weeks of December before printing it out and attacking it with an orange pen.

That was my first mistake.

I should have let it sit longer.  Hell, I should have actually written the ending I wanted, not the half-assed four paragraphs I wrote to get to 50k.  Every time I read back over it, I felt like I was standing on the edge of something that was very large, very dark, and growing by the second.

Eventually, I fell in.

Right around this time – in the beginning of January – I started having these terrible headaches. In the beginning, it was maybe twice a week.  Then three times. Eventually, I spent two weeks with a constant migraine that affected everything.  Eric was a saint, really, for putting up with me. I’d come home from work and head straight to bed.

I didn’t write a single word.  Every time I thought about opening Scrivener and getting back to work, I’d burst into tears. How did I even think I was capable of this? Why did I think I could tell this story the way it deserved to be told?

I’d blame it on the headache.

Finally Eric convinced me that I needed to go to the doctor.  I did. After some tests and a restricted diet to see if foods were triggering my migraines, we discovered the culprit was a mixture of two things – I had incredibly low levels of iron, and I found out that I’m lactose intolerant.  I started taking extra vitamins and cut dairy out of my diet, and the headaches disappeared.  I haven’t had a headache in nearly three weeks.

I still didn’t write more than a few words at a time.  I still had mini-panic attacks when I even thought about opening up Scrivener.  I hid my MS under a stack of wedding magazines on the bookshelf. I’d mumble “Fine,” and change the subject whenever anyone asked me how the book was doing. I avoided my blog. I avoided twitter.  I started comparing my manuscript to every book I was reading. I wasn’t funny enough, or clever enough, of poetic enough. No one, I convinced myself, would ever find my manuscript – and by extension, me – worthy. I was wasting my time, deluding myself into thinking that I could do this.

I don’t know when exactly I started to notice what was going on, but about two or three weeks ago, it hit me that I was being so incredibly stupid.

Maybe … maybe I do suck, but this is my story to tell. No one else can tell it the way that I will.  I won’t know how good it is until it’s finished and polished.  I can’t compare myself to anyone else.

What I know is this: I adore this story. I adore these characters. They’re mine.

I just have to be me. I just have to trust myself.

So I took a deep breath, found my manuscript, and opened up a new project in Scrivener.  I put everything I had from NaNoWriMo and even before into a folder labeled “draft zero” and I started outlining.  I started a pinboard with images that reminded me of the story. I plotted every scene. I made character profiles.  I made one of those story arcs that we learned about in tenth grade English and I filled in everything.  Everything was laid out in front of me. And then something amazing happened.

I saw where I went wrong. And suddenly, I knew how to fix it.

Yesterday, I rewrote my opening. Today, I wrote my last scene. There’s a lot of hard work yet to be done, but I’m not too worried. This time I have an outline to guide me when the going gets tough. It has good bones.

I silenced myself this winter, but over the past few weeks, I’ve regained some confidence.  I’ve stopped worrying about what comes next.

I’m a writer. I have a voice. And I’m going to tell my stories the best way I know how.

That’s enough for me, for now.

Eric: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.georgerrmartin.com/if-sample.html

BLARGHWEAWED

me: ahhh

CAN’T READ IT

MUST FINISH DANCE WITH DRAGONS

Eric: NO YOU MUST

OH MY GOD

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

SALKFJS:LGDKJHSDLKF JHSD:LKFJ

me: I AM A TERRIBLE EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING

I WILL START IT TONIGHT

Eric: AGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS

me: AGAIN

Eric: I MEAN THIS IS A SEROUS STICKING POINT IN OUR RELATIONSHIP

me: I AM LIKE 150 PAGES INTO IT

Eric: I JUST FEEL THAT WE’D BE BEST SERVED IF YOU’D READ THE DAMN THING

FASTER

OH MY GOD THE CHOICES I’VE MADE

me: I JUST GOT SIDETRACKED

Eric: NO

me: I’LL FIX THIS I PROMISE

Eric: LOOK AT YOUR LIFE

LOOK AT YOUR CHOICES

ALSO GO LOOK AT TAVICAT’S FACEBOOK STATUS

me: I DID

Eric: WASN’T IT AWESOME!?!

me: YES IT WAS

BECAUSE HE IS THE BEST TAVICAT AROUND

Eric: TRUTH

In other words, 2011 has set the bar pretty high as far as awesome years go. If 2012 is HALF as good, I’ll consider myself lucky.

I decided to go ahead and make a list of ten things I want to do in 2012:

1. Go on a trip. Eric and I most likely won’t be able to afford a honeymoon, but I’d still like to go on a little trip, even if it’s only for a weekend.
2. Have a wonderful, beautiful wedding. And not stress out TOO much over it – I just want an honest, heartfelt celebration with the people I love most in this world.
3. Finish my MS.
4. Find a Crit Partner or a writing group.
5. Be accepted into the fiction program here at Hopkins & start taking classes!
6. Run a 5k.
7. Start querying!
8. Continue to decorate our home and fill it up with pretty things and, most importantly, love.
9. Make new friends, and find time to catch up with old ones.
10. Remember to be happy and thankful every day. Sometimes it’s easy to forget how wonderful I really have it.

I think these are realistic goals – and I hope that posting them here publicly will help me follow through on them.

What about you? How was 2011 for you – and what do you hope to accomplish in 2012?

This past month was certainly interesting. I finished NaNoWriMo on Sunday, a few days early, which to me was – and still is – incredible. It’s something I’ve been attempting to do for the past six years. It’s something that I always, always gave up on. I’d get frustrated because I felt like I wasn’t good enough. I would give up because I doubted myself, because I never cared about whatever I was working on enough to finish it.

This year, as I mentioned earlier, I had a plan. I also had, for probably the first time, a really supportive community on twitter who held me accountable, who encouraged me, and who cheered me on. I placed second in a first line contest, which gave me a huge boost in confidence. I mean, it’s only one line, but still. People voted for me.

And I wrote.

I wrote every day on my lunch break. I wrote while Eric was doing his homework (and he has a lot of homework this semester). I wrote on my weekends.

Somewhere along the way, it became a habit to power up my laptop every day and open up that document, so much so that I’ve felt kind of lost over the past few days. I told myself I needed a break. One week off. I’ve been reading. Having Buffy marathons, thanks to Netflix. I’ve worked my way through the first one and half seasons. Since Sunday. I’ve slept like 12 hours each night. I ordered some books on revising and editing from the public library. I designed and coded our wedding website. And now it hasn’t even been a week, but I’m bored and itching to write again.

So. Where does that leave me? Flightless isn’t done, even though I really like the place I ended. I really rushed and skipped over a lot to get to that point, though, so I think my goal for December is to go back and fill in those blank spots. Not a problem. I can do that. I also want to rewrite some parts of it, just because, well, some of it is really, really ugly. But overall?  I’m so happy that I don’t know what to do with myself.

After that, well. There are several things to do. First, I’ll send it off to Roxanne, who’ll critique it as my prize from the first line contest, and my wonderful friends Sarah and Isabelle, which will be another nerve-wracking experience in itself.  And then we’ll go from there.

So. I guess what I really want to say is thank you to everyone who cheered me on and helped me along and encouraged me and made me believe in myself over the past month. I couldn’t have done it without you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

What do you think? Do you have a novel soundtrack?

In other news, I have less than 15,000 words to go! I can’t believe that this might be the first year that I win!

Anyway, I’m assembling my sandwich and thinking about my NaNoWriMo novel.  I was musing over possible outcomes of an unexpected situation when I realized that for some reason, the mustard was really, really thick and hard to spread.

I picked up the jar and saw why immediately. Instead of mustard, I had tried to spread caramel ice cream topping on my sandwich. On to my last sandwich thin.

Yeah. So, I did what any other self-respecting multi-grain sandwich thin enthusiast would do. I scraped it off and got out the mustard. And then enjoyed a slightly caramel flavored turkey sandwich for lunch that day.

It could have been worse, I guess.  But I realized just how scatter-brained I was getting, and I took two days off of writing. On Friday, I got my hair done and ate way too much pizza with Eric and then Saturday we explored Baltimore with my brother and his girlfriend, and I barely even talked about my novel.  Okay, well, I wrote about 300 words each day, and MAYBE I mentioned it once or twice. But still.  I took a break. And just taking that small breather was enough to clear my mind before I dove right back in and wrote 5,012 words yesterday.  It made me a little less crazy.

NaNoWriMo has been an interesting exercise this year.  We’re just about finished with Week 2, and as of last night, I had a word count of 27,455 – just over the halfway mark.  During the past two weeks, I’ve learned a lot about myself as a writer. It’s no secret that I’ve attempted NaNoWriMo every year since 2005 and failed miserably each time.  This is the first time I’ve ever broken 25k. Previously, I had adhered to the school of thought that it’s best to start with something brand new, so I wouldn’t be overly attached to the story or characters.

This year, I decided to do things differently. I’ve had this story in my head for the past nine months – and even wrote the first 10,000 words before Eric and I became engaged and pretty much all of my writing was pushed aside for wedding planning. Once pretty much everything was settled in the wedding department (well, sort of – we still need food, flowers, and music) I took another look at what I had. I wasn’t in love with it, so I scrapped it and started outlining extensively. By the time I was (almost) finished with that, it was mid-October, and the thought of putting Flightless aside and starting something brand new for NaNoWriMo didn’t sit well with me. I started outlining another story, an alternate history/steampunk romance about a mail order bride that has the potential to be a lot of fun, but I kept coming back to Elinor.  And on October 30, I made my decision. I was going to jump into Flightless head first.

And I did.

And I was amazed at how easily the words came to me, even during this past week. Writing 2,000 words a day or more isn’t a sustainable pace for the long-term.  It’s a breakneck pace, but it’s getting it done.

I’m under no delusions about the quality of this novel. I know that Flightless isn’t going to be anywhere near done at the end of the month, even as a first draft. As I flesh out my outline (and in some cases, depart from it entirely) it’s clear that this needs to be at least 75,000 words long, and probably more like 85,000. It’s going to need some major work once I’m done with the first draft. I don’t think I’m going to let anyone – except maybe Eric, because he puts up with me more than anyone else – read it until some major things are fixed when I revise it. But that’s okay. I’m not expecting perfection. I’m not even expecting it to be good. I just need it to exist, in all of its ugly duckling glory, before I can make it beautiful.

Overall, I’m really, really happy with it. It has good bones. I love my MC. I love everything about her. She’s strong and sassy and really developing with every chapter. This story that has lived in my head and in my heart for so long is finally coming to life on the page and it’s a really exciting thing to see.

How’s November treating you? Are you doing NaNoWriMo?